MINERAL PUNS
Mineral Puns That Henny Youngman threw out……….



A chunk of Halite walks into a Police Station , and reported that he was assaulted.


A mineral collector walks into a bar with a pail of crushed limestone, and says “I’ll have a beer, please, and one for the road”.


A Chemist trying to create a transparent mineral stirred Calcite into Sulphuric Acid, but the result was nothing to look at.


 A mineral collector fell off of a quarry wall, and suffered serious injuries.  
 He woke up in the hospital and cried “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!”
 The Doctor replied “I know, that’s because we had to amputate both of your arms.”


 What do you call a fish fossil with no eyes?
 A fsh fossl.


 A Chlorine atom bumps into an Iron atom on the street and the Chlorine says  Are you all Right?.... No, I lost an electron. Are you sure?.........Yes, I’m   positive!


 My portable UV light went dead, so I took it to the hardware store, and got new   batteries, but they didn’t work. No wonder they were “free of charge”!  Still, I was “de-lighted”. (My counselor suggested I find another “outlet” for any anger).


I asked the bookseller if my latest Mineral Species issue was guaranteed…and he said  “Obsoletely!”



I really didn’t want to rappel down the Swiss Alp to find the Fluorite pocket, but I was roped into it. (To appreciate rope jokes, you have to be taut!)


Did you hear the joke about the prehnite pocket high up the side of the quarry wall? NO? Well, it was over your head, anyway!


Taking your children mineral collecting often puts them on their pest behavior.


A collecting friend got lost in a mine, but used his cell phone to reach me at the adit. That was a close call!


I was wondering why the falling piece of ledge was getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me!


The rockhound sat down on his chisel and got a little behind in his collecting efforts!


He was arrested for throwing dynamite down the mine shaft, but when they saw his gold specimens, they dropped the charges.


In a recession, the mineral collecting business is always picking up.


Old mineral collectors never die….they just slowly petrify!


My digging buddy wanted to join me in my hole, so I gave him an inch and he became a ruler!


Mineral collecting is a lot like paying taxes…you work hard and end up in the hole!


While two of my banking friends were collecting minerals in California, there was an earthquake and they went into default!


I would like to go mineral collecting in Holland some day, woodn’t shoe?

A dyslexic mineral collector went to Kongsberg, and brought home a lot of slivers.

I thought I had found some clear calcite in Alaska, but it turned out to be an optical Aleution!

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The Family of  Vincent Van Gogh- Mineral Collectors


Leaky cousin at the mine........................................Gotta Gogh
Son-in-Law afraid of quarry Walls.........................Verti Gogh
Brother who rests often..........................................Stop N Gogh
Yugoslavian uncle...................................................U Gogh
So.Arizona niece.....................................................Gring Gogh
Father who opened a vug.........................................Wayto Gogh
Uncle who drives the bus.........................................Winnie  Bay Gogh
Brother stuck on the cliff.........................................Nowhere To Gogh
In-Law lost in the mine............................................Witch Wayto Gogh
Vincent's young son.................................................I Wanna Gogh II
Aunt too sick to dig..................................................Cant Gogh
Vincent's lunch........................................................Man Gogh
Mother who dropped her chisel...............................Where Didit Gogh
His Mexican nephew................................................Amme Gogh
Uncle who found a keeper........................................There Ya Gogh
Cousin collecting in the Windy City...........................Chicog  Gogh
Complaining son.......................................................Howfar To Gogh
Vincent humming while digging................................Alleg  Grogh
His coral collecting cousin from Florida....................Flaminn Gogh
Vincent's lazy brother-in-law.....................................Know Gogh
(His twin)..................................................................Won't Gogh
A brother who stays home.........................................Party Gogh- er
His aunt may not make the field trip.........................Tuch N. Gogh
Vincent's son provides specimen storage..................Carr Gogh
His Italian grandfather.............................................Rock-Gogh 
His son who drove the stage-coach............................Wells Farr Gogh
The nephew who jumps at the pit...............................Poe Gogh

Enough! I don't want to Gogh too far with this corniness!!











MINERAL HUMOR